Heavy hearts and coping with grief

When the worst happens and we lose someone we love so dearly, within a millisecond the colour melts out of life into heavy dark sludge that dulls the world around us. The future feels bleak and only hopelessness remains. Your heart feels hollow, your body numb and a lack of understanding and senselessness prevails. I know this pain. It is a part of life. The breathtaking beauty of life juxtaposed with the harsh cruelty of death makes up the light and shadows of Mother Nature herself, the beginning and the end, the incessant cycle, the inevitable truth, what can it mean?

My family and I are currently experiencing a heart breaking trauma that makes no sense. The loss of a life that was too young to pass, my big cousin Tikki. He was such a huge character who impacted my formative years in such a positive way. He was the coolest dude in the room and we all looked up to him so much. His energy was unmatched and he could effortlessly light up a room. Tikki’s heart was pure and he only ever wanted the best for all of us. He had a deep soul connection with my Dad and I know everyone takes a sliver of comfort knowing they are reunited in heaven. I felt compelled to write something for him and when I sat at the piano all these memories flooded back to me. I remembered how we all used to sit round the piano and sing Titanic and Alicia Keys. The words and melodies to honour him came so quickly, I believe he is with us as we grieve trying to help to alleviate the pain we feel when we experience loss.

I have always taken comfort in knowing that energy cannot disappear. It is simply transferred. The essence of that soul lives on, those 21 grams do not cease to exist. I believe they continue on their journey in the cosmos, returning to the pure form from which they came, giving back to the earth in the physical form and reconnecting with the source of all magic and life in spiritual form. This feels like unbearable pain to the beings left behind but for this soul it is emancipation, peace, it is true unity.

I tell my little monkeys how blessed they are to have people we’ve physically lost as guardian angels. They have a superpower, they are protected, guided and loved by a higher power. Grief clouds our ability to see through the physical curtain but in time that veil thins and as we begin to move towards acceptance then signs, dreams, inexplicable intuition and a feeling of connection start to appear. Our loved ones never truly leave us.

My Christmas song was originally written for my Daddy, about how I would do anything to spend one more Christmas together. It was originally a little heavier, born from a place that was still raw and hurting. Then a good friend of mine Sai, came over and encouraged me to lighten the lyrics, to enable them to be more universal. The meaning was the same but with a lighter energy. She helped me to shape a different feeling for the song but with the same depth.

The original version of One More Christmas is out today and it feels poignant to share it as this is the original version that I wrote. The raw, true and authentic creation that was birthed from a longing to be reunited with those we’ve lost. This festive time can feel like the most painful as a family because a gigantic piece of the puzzle is physically missing. If I can give anyone even the tiniest form of comfort in times like this then that gives me great peace. We must come together in times of need and remember that being with family and a caring community will invoke healing and hope.

Love always,

Raquelle