Have you ever thought about the patterns we continue to allow to dictate our lives? I watched one of Robert Edward Grant’s reels yesterday that tells you to write down the pattern that keeps repeating itself in your life. What is it trying to tell you? Why do you gravitate towards it? And how can you break it in order to fulfil our soul’s purpose for being on this beautiful planet.

He is really something by the way. I am so inspired by his incredible mind and his profound on life. Give him a follow, I never miss one of his incredible Think Tank podcasts and I just adore his mathematical and stunningly spiritual approach to life and the truth behind the illusion which is ultimately to love.

As soon as I watched the reel, I sat down and had a moment of contemplation (whilst juggling simultaneously being shouted “mummy” by the kiddos and putting on a clothes wash and emptying the dishwasher). From that moment, I found my pattern, a lack of consistency and this constant Starting & Stopping that I relentlessly put myself through.

I seem to have this force of energy and drive that comes through so strong and I truly believe nothing can stop me then comes a curveball, in this instance my cousin passing away and I start to think…. what is this all for? Why am I doing this? No-one is even listening or reading, who do you think you are?! Then I go underground and throw myself into everything and anything apart from what I was trying to do before. It usually comes hand in hand with moments of vulnerability. The times when I feel helpless is when I lose my drive. It’s like that emotion knocks me off my feet and blows the wind out of my sails. Then to add insult to injury the universe begins to reflect it right back at me. Here’s the example, I started to lose my head thinking my cousin which then lead to revisiting my dad’s passing, then the whole festive business of Christmas and quality time with family and then another curveball, being edited out of Michelle Keegan’s latest show, “Fool Me Once” by Harlem Coben. I was beyond excited to film this for Netflix back in June 23 and although I got my pay check, I didn’t get the airtime. That really got those little chimp voices chattering in my brain. You weren’t good enough. They edited you out because you were crap. Now your agent is going to drop you. Everyone will think you were lying that you even filmed the part. And the crazy thing is, my rational self knows this isn’t true. I know it was because of running out of time and they had to be super selective on what they could squeeze into the allocated time. My agent did also make me feel better saying that quite a lot of cameos had been cut to make the time frame of 8 episodes.

BUT I want to break the pattern. It’s 2024 and I need to figure out how to be consistent even when shit hits the fan. This time I’m not going to run headfirst into a new direction, I’m going to nurture what I have right here inside me already. I am going to free myself from stopping and starting and my first step was writing this very blog. It’s Sunday and this is what I do! If I’d just succumbed to my go-to, devilish pattern at this hurdle I would have lost a little bit of self respect. And for me, writing is seriously therapeutic. I highly recommend sharing your innermost demons publicly. So thank you for being here and reading this far.

You may encounter

many defeats, but you

must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter

the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can

rise from,

and how you can

still come out of it.

- Maya Angelou

This week is an exciting one for me. It’s my first mini music retreat here in Portugal with dear friends from all over Europe. We’re going to jam, vibe and energise ourselves by creating musical magic that I am buzzed to eventually share.

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Love always,

Raquelle